Wow. Okay. I was thinking. If I were to drop out of uni would my mother disown me? Honestly, being the only one in my immediate family that has gone to uni, I have to keep this huge image of this "smart" girl who has gone to pursue bigger and better things with her life right? I mean, especially for a younger sibling, I have to show her that you can do anything or whatever other crap you peddle to young children to make them work harder. But what if this isn't really what I want?

What if I wanted to be a "pop singer" and run away to New York and make it big. Or what if I wanted to be a filmmaker and throw away thousands of money devoted to uni, to be what I really want to be. Obviously, everyone feels this way. My mum even tells me that people who are in thier 30s don't know what they want from their lives. But when you see others with big plans for themselves, you are discouraged. Am I just a fool who has no direction, destined to be working 20 different jobs and hating every minute of it?

OMG! Do you smell that? I think its my brain. Inadvertantly, it has been cooked. Singed. But how? These crazy questions leaping thorugh my mind. Will I ever regain hold of my own mind? Will I ever be able to not think about grades as the end all be all of my life? Will I forever wake up at 4 in the morning just to calculate my average to ensure that I am NOT failing? Will I ever stop procrastinating and do things a few days before they are due? (That honestly, will never happen, as much as I will myself to) Ahhhh! And will I ever talk to my crush, "Victor"?