Long time!

Its been awhile since I last posted anything, but I hope that I can make this random blog of mine somewhat of a regular thing.

I only realized that there were actual PEOPLE reading this thing. Someone actually commented which, to be quite honest, is quite miraculous. My train of thought is being digested by someone else. Weird. But anyhow, my amazement aside, I think that this could be a good outlet to air out my random thoughts. So without furhter ado, let's bust open this brain of mine right now. (WTF, I ask myself, does that mean?).

How can anyone feel happy when they feel as though they have royally screwed themselves over? Like, who forgets their essay outline when they are going to a) be away from home for a night b)Know that they are going to work on it at the library and at school c) Have to finish it by tomorrow to keep on schedule. FUUUUUUUUUCK. I hate my life right now. Things obviously could be much worst, but I don't give a shit. Right now this is pissing me off. Why do I have to have the forgetful gene from my mother? Holy crap. Like, what will I do in the real world? I can't keep calling people to bail me out of my messes, but I really feel angry with myself right now.

Is it possible to be a chain tea drinker? I mean, I swear I have like atleast 3 cups of tea a day, maybe more. Anytime I don't have class, I'm drinking a tea... milk, no sugar, but if its herbal, straight up... Is it sane to love everything about a country without ever visiting it? England seems so cool, but I think I just like the notion of being there, but actually exeperiencing it from home, and never actually wanting to go there and ruin my image of it. I mean, I could never survive their dreary weather, I would constantly be depressed. I need sunshine and lots of it!

No but honestly. I love the old buildings and the way they preserve history... Their music, but not all of it... Their sweets... okay, so maybe that's not the whole country, but certain aspects of it...

Wow. Okay. I was thinking. If I were to drop out of uni would my mother disown me? Honestly, being the only one in my immediate family that has gone to uni, I have to keep this huge image of this "smart" girl who has gone to pursue bigger and better things with her life right? I mean, especially for a younger sibling, I have to show her that you can do anything or whatever other crap you peddle to young children to make them work harder. But what if this isn't really what I want?

What if I wanted to be a "pop singer" and run away to New York and make it big. Or what if I wanted to be a filmmaker and throw away thousands of money devoted to uni, to be what I really want to be. Obviously, everyone feels this way. My mum even tells me that people who are in thier 30s don't know what they want from their lives. But when you see others with big plans for themselves, you are discouraged. Am I just a fool who has no direction, destined to be working 20 different jobs and hating every minute of it?

OMG! Do you smell that? I think its my brain. Inadvertantly, it has been cooked. Singed. But how? These crazy questions leaping thorugh my mind. Will I ever regain hold of my own mind? Will I ever be able to not think about grades as the end all be all of my life? Will I forever wake up at 4 in the morning just to calculate my average to ensure that I am NOT failing? Will I ever stop procrastinating and do things a few days before they are due? (That honestly, will never happen, as much as I will myself to) Ahhhh! And will I ever talk to my crush, "Victor"?